Reflections after 30 days of quarantine
How it started out
As a side note I have been journalling everyday consistently. I am incorporating this into my routine because in order to better understand myself. This habit is what Stoic teachings suggest we implement. I have been journalling far before the whole quarantine was put in place.
Of course this habit has been kept up during this special situation so I have been recording my thoughts, feelings and events that have transpired over the last 30 days of my experience.
Not going to lie, my routines and productivity were pretty strong in the beginning. I had an initial brief period of adjustment but after a couple days I appreciated the change of pace. In different way of living where everyone was forced to stay indoors we introverts could really thrive being alone. In this time I wanted to enjoy the outdoors more knowing that there would be less people.
In a distraction free environment I was able to work on my own terms and get an equal amount of work done in less time compared to how I worked in the office. Detailed in my last post I started getting creative with other habits, routines like my workouts within the confines of my home.
I would say that for the first 3 weeks it was like a honeymoon period being at home because of this novel situation. In the back of my mind I knew that there would be diminishing returns to my productivity and mental health.
After an extended period of time…
By now it has been the end of the fourth week that I have been quarantined. My recent thoughts and actions from journalling has revealed that most of my days and thoughts have… stagnated… As each day goes by it feels more and more the same.
I am getting too relaxed with myself. Past Friday I acted as if it were a weekend and almost forgot I had work! I am not bored, but label that as operating on auto-pilot. Probably consider that I am in a rut.
This won’t be a post showing how I have and will get out of the rut. This is an acknowledgment to how I am feeling and what I have noticed over this extended period of working and living in this way.
Perhaps this shows to others that I am just like everyone else. Despite wanting to be a hyper productive/disciplined person and always on the go all the time. I have to remind myself that it is okay to let myself feel this way. Acknowledging how this is will be a step to let it pass.
This is just a reflection of showing my vulnerabilities to others and let them know that we are on the same boat.
Maybe after a bit more time how I feel will change and I will have a solution to this problem. For now it is understanding the gravity of the current predicament is taking a toll on me.
On the plus side
I don’t want to end of on a negative note. What I’m about to share aren’t solutions, but things that uplift me especially in these strange times:
- Letting myself enjoy being lazy, consider it as a ’treat yo’ self’ kind of feeling. I can’t continue pressuring myself
- Catching up with friends and family through voice and video calls and talking casually Avoiding any topic around recent Covid events/news)
- Developing this sense of persistence and hope that our situation will eventually pass. It will take a while, but it we will return to normalcy
Coda
“Everything that happens is either endurable or not. If it’s endurable, then endure it. Stop complaining. If it’s unendurable… then stop complaining. Your destruction will mean its end as well.” — Marcus Aurelius